What It's Like Being a New Parent

I've only been a parent for 72 hours now, but my knowledge of what it's like and what it means to be a parent has increased by an amount that in no way reflects a mere 3 days passage of time. Here is a list of some of the things I've learned.

If Lawson is crying, it is because:
A) he is hungry
B) he has a wet/stinky diaper
C) he is gassy
D) he wants to be held
E) something he is wearing is bothering him
F) he's too hot/cold
G) some other reason

If it's G, you're out of luck and in a bad way. It was 3am at the hospital and Lawson is crying. Not the cute, quiet cry he usually does when he's being fussy. It is an inconsolable wail and Jennifer and I have no idea why he's making that sound. We've stripped him naked, Jennifer's holding him skin to skin on her chest and trying to stick a boob in his mouth but he is only interested in yelling. Maybe his brain just figured out how to yell, and he was practicing doing it. He didn't need much practice though to get really good at it, and we apologize to our hospital neighbors for his innate skill and for our lack of innate parenting skill. Eventually he stopped. We don't know why. But in case you look at the picture below and are tempted to think "oh my, what a perfect baby", think again. Sometimes he yells for no gosh darn reason and it's terrible.

Watching his first episode of The Simpsons

We read online that you shouldn't give your baby a pacifier until 3 months because it will mess with him learning how to breast feed. We were all set to go nipple only. Then we learned that if Lawson was crying at night, if you put a pacifier in his mouth he would stop. We were quick to compromise on theoretical suggestions from babycenter.com in the face of practical results. We were also quick to redefine "expert advice" to "theoretical suggestions" based on whether or not we were acting on it.

Pacifier at the ready

We've also learned that swaddling clothes, or baby straight jackets as they should be marketed, are required baby items. Lawson kicks and flails and tweaks out pretty much the entire time he's either sleeping or awake. It's kind of fun to watch him spaz, but not so much when it's at 2am and he wakes himself up because he just hit himself in the face. (Lawson's other favorite thing to do, besides sleep and eat, is to claw his face. Baby strait jackets also help with this bad habit of his). He also likes to feel like he's being held while sleeping, and swaddling clothes trick him into thinking he is so mom and dad can get some sleep.